For now

Donnneeeee with school!
Now, more than ever, I've been confused about what I want to do and where I want to go and who I want to go with. The combination of actually being BORED for the first time in a long time at this moment and nearing the very real end of my college career at San Francisco State has put me in a somewhat stressed and painfully critical/overly analytical mood.
I don't particularly have patience for San Francisco anymore, that is until I think about moving and am reminded of just how much I love this city. I don't love the people or their ridiculous excuses to get drunk and naked every other week, but I do love the culture, the diversity, the ease of getting around, the seemingly vast space, the ocean, the shopping, the walks, the parks, the food, the districts that are as varied as the people who make them up, the nightlife (even if I don't take part, it's always waiting for me), the memories I'm attached to.
This place has made me who I am and I can't not love everything that has added up to this moment in time where, right now, besides the bouts of boredom and confusion about my life's direction, I am content.

I've realized a lot of things about myself that every decision, action carried out, and person has made me come face to face with. Not all of them are good things, but the bad ones aren't so terrible.
I've found out that I fight tooth and nail to not be treated like a princess, but will get inexcusably crabby and bratty if I'm actually not treated as such.
I'm not as smart as I used to think I was. I understand now that there are millions of people who can figure things out way faster, write paragraphs more fluidly, problem solve more quickly, and talk their way out of or into anything leaps and bounds better than I could ever trick myself into thinking I could.
I'm terrible with money if it's in cash form, but my card will stay under lock and key for months.
I have no sense of design or artistry past what I think is "pretty".
Cooking is a lot more difficult than I originally thought. I always add too much salt or butter to things.
I'm very good at reading people's "vibes" and body language and tones. I am quick to adapt to the situation and can play every side of every story based on playing to people's individual moods.
I'm a lot meaner in my head than people might think. I am excruciatingly impatient and critical of others before I meet them. I judge much too harshly and am slow to give in to second, maybe better impressions.
I am good at keeping something up, but the worst at starting anything.
I've become more outspoken and self deserving. If someone bumps into me on the street I no longer apologize. I will also give a good slap to cars that cut me off when I'm walking.
I'm lousy at housework out of disgusting apathy.
I don't get embarrassed to do things by myself anymore like take walks or eat out or even go shopping and I no longer care who is looking if I do something stupid.
I'm better at sciences than arts. I want to eventually have a hands-on kind of job where I can make decisions and have a say in the company.
I can be selfish and cold when interacting with people simply based on if I am bored with what they are talking about.
I don't believe many people are doing or saying what they really think they should do or say. I think a lot of people, including myself, are taking part in a world based solely on what other people say or did. This isn't a novel idea or anything--I think originality is dead horse at this point.
I end up "pampering" myself way too often in unhealthy ways--like if I had school for 6 hours I tell myself it's okay to now go home, eat a bowl of macaroni and cheese and watch movies all night. Homework can wait till tomorrow when you'll only have an hour between classes to finish it. You've worked so hard! Take a breaakkkk.
I'm terrible at expressing my true feelings. Half the time, to be fair though, I don't even know what those feelings are.


This picture is adorable and I hope he didn't attack her shortly after the photo was shot. It would take away from the cuteness, I think.


This is how I want my wedding cake arrangement to be. Different textures, colors, styles of cake ranging from elegant to home style.
Image courtesy of wetbehindtheears.com

On a side note, I cannot even comprehend how much money Justin Timberlake has amassed, and will continue to earn, in his lifetime. Mind boggling, some people's wealth.

I think that's more than enough.