Tid bits

High schools were originally designed for
the most privileged sector of the population.
Even now they tend to serve well only that
half of the high school population that goes on
to college. Non-college-bound students often
tell me they feel like second-classc itizens, not
really of interest to the school. And in recent
decades a high school degree has lost considerable
value as a ticket to a stable job. Even
partial college work confers fewer advantages
than in the past. Because of these and other
trends, researcher Laurence Steinberg claims,
adolescence" has become a social and economic
holding period" (1992,30).
Parents are expected to do the holding. In
1968, two researchers commented that most
teen-parent conflicts stemmed from the fact
that "readiness for adulthood comes about
two years later than the adolescent claims and
about two years beforeth e parent will admit"
(Stone and Church \968, 447; emphasis
added). There is some evidence that the level
of miscalculation has widened for both parents
and kids.
From the point of view of parents, it is
more necessary than ever for kids to stay in
school rather than seek full-time work, and to
How History and Sociology Can Help Today's Families 9
delay marriage or pregnancy. After all, the age
at which youths can support themselves, let
alone a family, has reached a new high in the
past two decades. From the kids' point of
view, thougfu this waiting period seems almost
unbearable. They not only know a lot
more than their folks about modern technology
but they feel that they also know more
about the facts of life than yesterday's teens.
Understandably, they strain at the leash.
(The Way We Really Are, Coontz, Stephanie, 1997)

It's just interesting to see how the generations differ, and to think about just what is changing the world as we see it.

Moving on

"We are ready to extend the hand if you are willing to unclench the fist"

So I ended up watching the Inauguration of Obama today, uncharacteristically. I don't usually pay attention to world affairs, political dramas, or white house blunders too much mostly because as a cared-for middle-class white female, I really don't absolutely need to. It's not a paramount concern in my life. Usually.
For some reason, call it mature awareness of others, call it a reality check, whatever, I've definitely started being a little more passionate about the rights and freedoms of others. Living in a big city, especially the neighborhood I live in with drugs, prostitution and overwhelming poverty running rampant, has made me want things to change for everyone.
I can't handle sitting on the bus, going home from hanging out with friends late at night, and listen to a woman crying herself into a hysterical stupor over the loss of her job and the fear she has for her children. If I have to see one more kid panhandling with their parents outside the BART station one more time I'll learn to walk with blinders on everywhere. It's not that I don't want to see it for myself, it's just I know I can do nothing to help them. I don't have that kind of power or, let's be honest, we're all friends here, time.
I could do more. I could volunteer at hospitals, functions, Food not Bombs, anything to help uplift and actively push forward the country that has been in weak arms for a while now. And yet I really don't do much.
In fact I'm probably worsening the problem by walking by, intentionally blind, deaf and mute, while the poor, the weak, the sick I see everyday on the street worsen. Some are there by default, their own personal choices that led them to the downward spiral that they now free fall into. But some are there by unhappy circumstance, bi-products of a technologically surging and decreasingly personal world that didn't have a place for them anymore. Laid off and now royally ticked off, these people's options for survival are dwindling. And I can't do anything about it.
Yes, yes, yes, they could do this program or work that job they're clearly overqualified for, but we haven't been in that situation they're living in right now. Their everyday struggles are our worst nightmares (minus the spiders and mummies).

All in all, I want positive change to infiltrate the system, I want the red tape to become clear, and I want the power to be delegated and utilized wisely. I hope he's got it in him.

None.

It is sickening, looking back, to realize that never in my whole life have I deployed more concentrated intelligence, and to better effect, than in wrecking everything I ever cared about.

Richland, WA

So I'm in Washington right now visiting a friend from way back. It's been fun, laid back for sure. We're supposed to go to Seattle tomorrow, a three hour journey across probably some of the prettiest forestry I've ever seen. The next day we might go to Leavenworth, this little German town that boasts the best bratwurst in the state.


Cute, huh?

I hope I catch a fish at the Seattle Fish Market. No, scratch that. I'd get a face full of fish guts.
It's nice to fall asleep to silence rather than sirens, car alarms, neighbors arguing or blasting music, or the other city noises that fight their way into my apartment.

That's about it.

SURVEY, because I'm bored.

I wasn't "tagged" or anything, I just lurked and copied.

7 Things I Do:
-work
-whine
-make bad food
-try to talk the pigeons outside my window and get them to look at me
-love mystery science theatre 3000
-believe something good is coming
-call my mommy. a lot.

7 Things I Can't Do:
-care much about anything past 10 minutes
-drive stick shift
-eat twinkies
-fall asleep with ANY distractions in the background
-hold a conversation with strangers
-wash my dishes right away
-yell at my neighbor to his face

7 Things I Always Say:
-I don't KNOW why!
-UGGHHHHH
-Bleeechhh
-Shut UP!
-Whatever, dude.
-I KNOW!
-Stop it, I hate you.

7 Things I always Eat (I know this list might look pretentious, but these are the BASICS, I add a whole buncha other gnarly items. I hate health. Really.)
-Spinach
-Oatmeal
-Raisins
-Asian pears
-Tomatoes
-Oranges
-Cheese

8 TV Shows I like to watch:
*Arrested Development
*Curb Your Enthusiasm
*The Office
*What Not to Wear
*The Soup
*Project Runway
*Good Eats
*History Channel stuff

8 Restaurants Where I Like to Eat:
*Golden Era
*El Tesoro
*Raja Palace
*Squat and Gobble
*Herbivore
*Mariachis
*India Clay Oven
*Emmy's Spaghetti Shack

8 Things That Happened Today:
*Took two finals
*Went Christmas shopping
*Made dinner
*Watched Band of Brothers
*Went to Tessa's house
*We will now walk to a party at 18th and Mission
*Party, listen to a friend's band play
*Walk home, fall asleep

8 Things I'm Looking Forward To:
*Christmas
*Work tomorrow (honestly, there's a babe who comes in every once in a while)
*Christmas Eve dinner with the family
*Washington
*Getting my place clean
*New Years
*Starting school in Spring as a journalism major
*Europe, sometime, hopefully, soon

Nostalgic trash

I remember that time when we laid in your truck and I couldn’t see the end. My world began and ended with you and only you, and that night could have lasted months for all I knew. I felt something different that has yet to be replicated with anyone else; you exhaled and I distinctly remember swaying slightly. And when you breathed in, I felt the pull. It was never a smart relationship. Originally my naïveté was what “attracted” you to me, but everyone knows those little quirks and endearing qualities usually happen to be the detonators for the destruction that will inevitably ensue.
I remember that night that can still bring tears to my eyes even though we’re so far apart I can’t even begin to see why we would have ever bothered being together. That night was disastrous to everything that has made me who I am today.

I remember we didn’t talk though, that I remember clearly. You finally agreed to meet to talk--you at least owed me that, an explanation. You were brutally honest and made the scratches start to bleed, like trenches overflowing.
Where were you?
…C’mon, where do you think I was?
Oh, I remember thinking. Oh. It’s funny how the organs can feel so heavy inside one’s body, while the head could have floated away with one breath. I felt dizzy.
I remember the awkwardly silent ride home, Scholastic Deth filling in the spots where conversation would have exploded years before.
And now I remember saying good bye to you at BART and you rushing to catch the train even though there were plenty more and I was crying.
I remember the nights you would stay up for hours talking to someone through instant messages, later finding out they were all her.
I remember the time I was so sick I could barely breathe without my insides heaving, and you wouldn’t even come over to see how I was doing.
And I remember all the times I had disregarded myself for you for your happiness, your wellbeing.

I switched my major to journalism and now need to keep a profile of writing samples for evidence of (some) work. So this blog is probably going to become a horrible rendition of a wannabe-writer's "showmanship". I have to be interviewed by the dean of journalism, too, which is kinda scary.

Going home for Christmas and a dinner with the grandparents. That should be fun. I'm at work right now, shoveling in all the internet I can handle in one short burst.
I don't know what to get people for Christmas. I have to make cookies for my friends.
OH! HEATHER! Yves Saint Laurent is showcasing at the de Young museum. Possibly a memento...?

WORK, UGH.

The glow

I got into a discussion today while at lunch with my friend, Kat. During a quiet break between topics Kat leaned back, crossed her arms, (while looking slightly defeated and a little naseous) and asked, "What are you doing? I mean, really, what are we doing?". My overly critical/insecure reactions kicked in so I immediately wiped my face, searching hers for a clue as to where the spilled food might be located. I pawed at my lips and she continued, unperturbed.

"I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing and why I'm even bothering doing the things I'm unconsciously participating in." I sat and thought about the question for what has to be the millionth time and said what I think any young twenty-something, state college attending, "normal" woman would say: "I have no clue."
The question has been on my mind for years, really, but only until an assignment was given in one of my classes did I have to sit down and really analyze the sentiment. And I don't like it one bit. It makes me ask these unhealthy questions that eventually make me reevaluate my decisions and my following through on those decisions. Why am I living in San Francisco? Why am I going to State? Why am I majoring in Anthropology? Why do I have a terrible job? Why do I hate my neighbor so much? Why can't I say no to Jello Choco-Vanilla Swirl Delight?
I used to have this idea of what and who I would be at this point in time, at this juncture, at this age, and this exact moment. I'm really nothing except a skewed blueprint with those gross little eraser remnants clinging to the mistakes and screw ups. It used to take an actual form in my head, like a little lit up ball that held the image I thought I would be: my job, my friends, my life. Yet all the old lines that were drawn in for what I wanted to be in my future have been anything but the original design. Covered up with rationalizations and ignorance, this new, less bright picture has started to form.

I can't say my "blueprints" can't and won't change, but at one moment I realized what was up. I sat down and stopped moving and stopped thinking and didn't procrastinate and didn't budge from thinking about anything else and was honestly not that okay with who I am at the moment. To put it plainly. The glow of my once ever-so-pretty future is gone. And as evvvveryone knows you can't point one finger without having three more point back at yourself. So. There's that.

I couldn't tell all this to Kat without her backing away or feeling pretty awkward and I'm not writing it down for comments and/or concern. It's just been something that has been on my mind for quite some time now and I felt the need to type it out.

It'll change, I'm sure. Probably after breakfast or something. Tomorrow's supposed to be sunny.